Dear Carol,

My BF and I have been going out for almost a year. A few months ago, he called me in the middle of the night. He told me that twice when he was a kid, his older brother beat him up and he had to go to the hospital. Since that time, he hasn’t seen his brother (their family kinda broke apart over it). By chance, my BF saw his brother earlier that day in a store. He was surprised but oddly happy about reconnecting. Since then, we’ve talked about it a couple times—mainly about how he wants to see his brother again. I don’t understand why he would ever want to. The other day I blurted that out, and he snapped back at me and said I didn’t understand. Well, I don’t understand why he was mad or why he wants to see him so much.

-Confused

Dear Confused,

Families are complicated. The fact that your BF’s brother attacked him is awful, but I’m not surprised he doesn’t want to end their bond forever. When someone is abused by a stranger, there is usually a way to remove yourself from the situation, but when it’s a family member, it’s more complex. Your boyfriend probably hopes he can smooth things out or get better closure. I get why you feel the way you do, but going forward, just keep listening and telling him you’re there to support him—especially if you want the two of you to stay together. At some point, I hope he can get the therapy he needs to work through his labyrinth of feelings.

Carol Weston is the author of 16 books, including Girltalk, Speed of Life and Ava and Pip. Follow her on Insta @carolwestonnyc and visit carolweston.com.

More Dear Carol right this way…
💌 “Dear Carol, I think my friends are hiding something from me”
💌 “Dear Carol, how do I stop sweating so much?”
💌 “Dear Carol, I’m feeling self-conscious about my small boobs”