Dear Carol,
At first, I thought being a teen would be exciting with more freedom and my own phone, but it’s not what I expected. Bullies are way worse, and I’m afraid to stand up for myself. I’m so worried about puberty that I had a nightmare. My parents are getting divorced, and I feel like my family and friendships are falling apart. I’m losing confidence, I’m terribly stressed and feel like I have nobody to talk to. How can I get through this?
– Teen Blues
Dear Teen Blues,
Being a new teen can be exciting, and I hope you can learn to stand up for yourself (it will feel great, you’ll see) and to stop fearing puberty (every grown woman has gotten through it). But I’m so sorry your parents are getting divorced. No wonder things feel stressful. Things may work out well in the long run (quality time with both parents and less fighting at home), but I get that this giant change feels painful and overwhelming. Think again about who might be able to help. A counselor at school or elsewhere? A classmate who has survived her parents’ breakup? A loving aunt or grandparent or trusted neighbor or friend’s parent? Hang in there and be patient with yourself, too. If Thanksgiving is fraught, it’s not because you’re a mess—it’s because you are going through a messy time. As for bullies, if it’s really serious, I hope you can talk to a caring adult about what’s going on. But in a lot of cases, if you can ignore them, they’ll ignore you back. And ask yourself why they are acting so lame and moronic. I mean, if someone feels proud of herself, she doesn’t set out to hurt others. Soon you’ll figure out bras and tampons and be ready to enjoy your new independence. Keep doing well in school, too, because good grades can provide a confidence boost and open doors to a wider, brighter future.
Carol Weston is the author of 16 books, including Girltalk, Speed of Life and Ava and Pip. Follow her on Insta @carolwestonnyc and visit carolweston.com.
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