Dear Carol,

I have this friend. He’s kind, sweet and understanding, and he loves me…like really loves me. I think I love him back, but I have a boyfriend I’ve been dating for five months and I would die without. I don’t want to break up with my BF, but I don’t want to keep hurting my friend. He says he’ll wait, but I don’t know if I’d want to date him even if I was single.

-He loves me

Dear He Loves Me,
It sounds like you’re pretty happy with your boyfriend and with this guy as a friend—and the only one who is unhappy is your friend who wants more. That’s his problem, not yours. If he can handle the just-friends status quo, great. If he can’t, he should extricate himself. It’s a bummer, but not uncommon. I know you hate to “hurt” him, but if you aren’t leading him on, you’re not doing anything wrong. If you want to spell things out, you could say: “Hey, I really care about you, but I’m committed to my boyfriend, and I don’t want to accidentally lead you on because I really value our friendship.” No matter what happens, there may come a time when you and your boyfriend stop going out, and though breakups can be painful, I assure you that you won’t die.

Carol Weston is the author of 16 books, including Girltalk, Speed of Life and Ava and Pip. Follow her on Insta @carolwestonnyc and visit carolweston.com.

Want more Dear Carol advice? Check out these…
💌 “Dear Carol, I think my friends are hiding something from me”
💌 “Dear Carol, Help with my crush confusion”
💌 “Dear Carol, my friendship is falling apart”