Dear Carol,

I want to have more confidence—to be able to go up to someone and instantly be all bubbly. But whenever I try, I just look at my phone and stay silent. How do I fix this?

-Shy Girl

Dear Shy Girl,

It’s not easy to go from silent to bubbly, but it’s great that you want to move in that direction. Take baby steps. Practice on non-scary people—smiley baristas or your bus driver or your friends’ parents. Say hi and meet their eyes and make small talk. If you say, “I like your scarf,” a kind adult is guaranteed to say something engaging back. These dialogues will help you feel more comfortable about offering a compli-ment to someone your own age. Remember, too, that other people are shy and may be grateful when you speak up. But when you stare at your phone, someone might think you’re standoff-ish. Don’t expect to become outgoing overnight, but push yourself to say hi to two people tomorrow.

Carol Weston is the author of 16 books, including Girltalk, Speed of Life and Ava and Pip. Follow her on Insta @carolwestonnyc and visit carolweston.com.

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