There’s no heartbreak quite like the one you didn’t see coming from a former bestie. Whether you two had a major misunderstanding or simply drifted apart, friendship breakups can feel confusing, embarrassing and beyond lonely.

But here’s the truth: Outgrowing people is a totally normal part of getting older. And while it hurts, it can also be the beginning of a happier era for you.

We’re breaking down how to break up with a bestie the right way, how to heal and what to remember as you rebuild your circle.

Talk, don’t text

So you’ve decided you need some space from a friend. How to bring it up without causing extra drama? An IRL convo.

While a face-to-face talk can be hard, texting makes things even more difficult: It’s hard to fully explain how you feel over iMessage, and your tone can easily be misinterpreted.

These convos can be vulnerable, so picking the right time and place to talk is key (think: not in the middle of a busy school day).

Saying something like, “I care about you as a person, but I feel like we’re not really on the same page anymore in terms of our friendship. I think we should take a little space,” is a good starting point. Of course, your friend will probably be upset—and may even try to apologize or salvage the friendship.

Be willing to listen to her side of things (and be honest with yourself about any of your own wrongdoings), but remember to stay true to how you feel. If this friendship has been causing more stress than fun? That’s a clear sign you’re doing the right thing.

Take time to heal

The cure for a bestie breakup is v. similar to crush-related heartbreak: let out *all* your feels, lean on your support system and dive into new hobbies.

First, give yourself time to grieve the friendship. You ended a bond with someone you once cared about, so it’s completely normal to feel lost, confused or sad. Whether your emotional processing period looks like writing in your journal, having a heart-to-heart with your mom or eating a pint of Ben & Jerry’s (hey, we won’t judge), give yourself permission to feel it all.

Once you’ve had a good cry (or three)? It’s time to pivot your focus to things that light you up. Queue your favorite comfort movie, schedule a coffee date with your camp friend you haven’t seen in ages or teach yourself a new hobby (there’s no shortage of amaze passion project ideas right here).

Bc while it may take some time to feel good again, filling your schedule with activities that genuinely make you happy is a surefire way to speed up your healing journey.

Navigating relationships

After calling things off with a bestie, your social circles might feel awkward, especially if you two shared a friend group. But pressuring the group to pick a team only creates more hurt feelings. Instead, set the tone by keeping things neutral: Hang out with different people at different times, avoid rehashing the breakup in group settings and don’t be afraid to branch out to new squads (your soccer team, perhaps?).

And if you see your former bestie in the hallway, in the caf or at the hiking trail? Keep it calm and civil. A quick smile or simply “hey” can go a long way. Part of growing up is learning how to coexist with people you’re no longer close to—while still keeping your own boundaries.

And remember: If you’re struggling with a friendship that’s feeling off, you’re not alone. Sometimes the healthiest move is letting go of whatever isn’t serving you. It’s always OK to choose peace.

Need more friendship advice? Check these out:
👯‍♀️ How to talk to your friends when they hurt your feelings
👯‍♀️ How to tell if you’re outgrowing a friendship
👯‍♀️ 6 red flags to look out for in a friend

Top and slider image: @anatasiashyk
Body images: @e1isabethng, @belajuliana_, @carissa.june